My Global Hustle » Archive » BLACK FATHERS ARE NO LONGER NEEDED?

BLACK FATHERS ARE NO LONGER NEEDED?

I received a link to a very disturbing blog post this morning. After chatting with a gal pal about what we read, it seems that this “BLACK FATHERS ARE NO LONGER NEEDED” sentiment is common amongst young black women. I have my feeling on the situation, but there is not enough time in the day to blog about. There are many variables that I automatically take into consideration when I reflect on this issue from the cultural to the historical. This topic definitely deserves a roundtable discussion. Lets discuss… I’m curious to see what folks think. -!YG

Repost fromÂ A Belle in Brooklyn:

3.23.2009

Untitled…

Friday’s post got a few of you to thinking, I see. I received a few emails this weekend about the topic, but this one happened to stand out. It’s from a faithful reader and commenter.

Enjoy.

I dream of a Black Prince Charming. I dream of a marriage and then a baby carriage. Dreams don’t always come true.

I’m Black. Highly educated. Single. Almost 30.

I’m sure you’ve heard the statistics about my prospects of finding a Black man. Hell, you may even be trying to cope with those realities yourself. I havenâ€™t given up on finding PC, but I am beginning to rethink the value of living the PC, as in politically correct, way in order to make my dreams come true while I wait on his arrival (which could be another 10 years.) Hereâ€™s the thing: I really, really, really, really want to have children and I know that more than I know anything else about myself. I want to pass on everything I have worked for to another generation that has passed through my body. If I wait on the â€œidealâ€ time to have children (ie, after marriage), I may miss my chance to do what I know I personally was put on Earth to do: mother.

So lately, I’ve been thinking: Do I have to be married, or even have a man around (other than to impregnate me), to have children? I mean, if a man does not give me a diamond ring in time to catch my last egg, am I just supposed to be out of luck when it comes to having my own child?

I get that children that grow up in two-parent homes do better in school. I get that little boys and girls need a father figure. I get the economics argument against single-parenthood. But my child would overcome most of those statistics easily. I went to schoolâ€”and did wellâ€” for 19 years. And 7 of that was in higher education. Education-wise, Iâ€™m pretty sure my offspring will do better than okay with my help. I don’t make millions as a lawyer, but annually I make more than the average American family. Sure the child wouldn’t have a father in the household, but many successful, well-adjusted people haven’t had a daddy, including me, and they turned out fine. (My parents did the “right thing” by being married before I was conceived, but I grew up poor and without a dad when my parents divorced.) Of course, not having a father around isn’t ideal environment, but itâ€™s not the end of the world. In fact, even given my own childhood experience and the hardships I endured, I would still rather have an opportunity to nurture my own child than to spend my childbearing years waiting on a husband.

I know the whole idea is un-PC. But let me explain. I have home training. I graduated from high school. I went away to college. On a full-ride. I graduated college, got a good job. I broke the cycle of my family, and worked my butt off to become middle class. Itâ€™s the American Dream, right? I didnâ€™t stop there though. Then I went to law school. I thought that if I studied law, I would be financially secure. If I worked hard, focused, my life would be better. I would get everything I wanted out of life: the husband, the career, the kids.

This is what I believed.

And I feel like Iâ€™ve been lied to.

After living all my life the PC way, Iâ€™m afraid that if I keep living by the rules and doing the â€˜rightâ€™ thing, Iâ€™m going to miss out on getting what I really want.